O levels results

I typed this before receiving my results.

My results are gonna be out in less than 48 hours. Honestly , I have the whole animal kingdom in my stomach , not just butterflies. I have been trying to keep myself busy these few days after knowing that the results releasing date is confirmed. I can't afford to give some time to myself , because I will never stop wondering what am I going to be experiencing after 48 hours. I have been working really hard for this whole year. I studied. In fact , I studied like studying was the only thing I could do at that point of my life. I really hope I would be able to get what I wanted.
Well , that's was all that I hoped for.

This was typed after receiving my results.

Sadly , it didn't happen. I didn't get more than 5 distinctions. I didn't have distinctions for my sciences. Frankly , I was disappointed in myself. I thought I would have done better than this when I have already put in my best. When my results were handed to me , all the anxiety and anticipation melted into sadness and disappointment that I once thought I would possibly never get . My heart sank. It was definitely not like i was going to break down any moment but I just couldn't believe this was what I got after a whole year of hard work . I became neutral about my results and I didn't want to be upset at that point of time , i didnt want anyone to feel the same exact disappointment as me , or felt even worst . I knew that there were others who did more badly than me. I wouldn't want to affect anyone in that situation because the mood was really infectious and the atmosphere was tense. Some shed tears of joy , while the others , the exact opposite. Deep in my heart , I knew I have not accomplish what I wanted to. It sank to me the truth that this was my fruits of labour , far from my expectations and hopes. Of course , I had mixed feelings at that very moment. I knew my mother would be very satisfied with what I got. I began to ponder about my next destination and journey I am going to embark on. I knew I would be facing a dilemma between polytechnic and junior college. I went home and different thoughts bombarded my mind , swirling and twirling to remind me that I have an important decision to make. True enough , everyone around me congratulated me on the " good " results I got. They told me they were happy for me and that I would be able to qualify for most of the courses in polytechnics , and arguably a few junior colleges that I could enter without feeling I wasn't good enough. I went to work the next day and I felt really relived that I didn't look really exhausted and listless because I didn't catch enough sleep. I slept really late the night before because I was thinking hard on where I should go. It felt like I was being put in a mind battle of choosing and deciding between poly and jc and this totally revealed the indecisiveness in me . I couldn't even tell myself which was right for me despite listing out all the pros and cons for each institution. I thought really hard , considering my job prospects , my future career , my possible field of interest . I went to work the next day and I was really glad I could put this challenging thoughts aside and devote time and attention to my work . Haha probably that was the only time I was that serious in work. Talked to some colleagues and people at my workplace , they gave me advices but I still couldn't make up my mind after listening and talking to them. I felt really lost and insecure. Cousins Cẩme out to play but I couldn't really concentrate because I still have a tough decision to make. I didn't want to go on and on about the decision making process but I want to thank everyone who gave me true experiences , valued advices and opinions. I really needed that at that point of time. :). I even called some of my friends to find out about their life in different jcs and polytechnics. Be it friends , seniors , colleagues , relatives or teachers , thank you very much for listening to me . I decided to go for polytechnic instead of junior college because of various reasons. Anyways , i chose a course related to business. BTW , On a general perspective i think my results werent that bad , it's just that i didn't meet my expectations. Ok that's about it. Really glad I have decided on it and submitted my choices. Heaving a sign of relief , I am glad I can be myself again and the cloud of uncertainties in me gradually faded as I continued to enjoy the company of my cousins . Right now , I am back in Malaysia with my cousins and we are going to KL in an hour time ! Can't wait to play , shop and eat ~ shall blog with pictures when I am back in singapore ! Bye ~

New Year Post

It's a week past the new year but i suppose it isin't too late for a New Year Post now . Due to time constraint (HAHA WHATEVER) i won't be recapping and sharing all the Ups and Downs i went through this year . 2012 was a hectic and busy year because all of us were preparing for our major exams . The need to be more focus and disciplined became increasingly important as it had a direct impact on our academic results . It felt like I went through the test of endurance in 300 days (the remaining 65 days were holidays)  . Everyone became more competitive because teachers of the graduating batch always sounded like studying was the most important thing at the point of our lives , and that results were the only thing that could prove your worth and capabilities  . Every day there seemed to be something to conquer and new things waiting for us to learn and explore . Everyone aimed to climb to the top of the mountain to earn the recognition and respect for the amount of effort they have put in . The competition among peers have forced some of us to change , for the better or the worst . The ability to prioritise is highly valued and time management became an essential skill to put up with the never ending timetable . Yes we did not have time to do our favourite stuffs and to enjoy things that we used to , some of us resent and hate this life that we were living at that time . Still , the school did make an effort to provide a rather holistic curriculum in the midst of that one year so that our companion wouldn't be JUST books . Yes i'd never forget the perseverance that allowed most of us to pull through this tough journey . Putting results aside , some of us did struggle like never before in studying . If not for this major exams , you wouldn't have known how far your resilience and perseverance could have brought you through this tough battle . Being a graduating student in the year of 2012 , I've seen tears and breakdowns brought by undesirable results . I've seen people who were utterly disappointed in themselves despite going the extra mile and putting in a lot of effort . People who were burdened with bottomless pit of negative thoughts and people who were sick and tired of the emotional strain and stress that the school and the competitiveness put them through . I've seen new friendships being forged as we taught each other and revised work with each other . Also ,  friendships that faced challenges because everyone devoted most of the time to themselves and spent less quality time with their good friends .  Nonetheless , i have also witnessed significant moments of happiness , when the sense of accomplishment renewed people with strength and confidence to continue with this battle . Some of us were thankful to all the challenges that we managed to overcome in the year of 2012 , while some others can't wait for 2012 to be over . Whatever it is , no matter how arduous you thought this 2012 journey was , everything is over now .

We are going to receive our results in probably 100 hours later . We are going to experience ,perhaps the next challenge life would bring . We are going to know how our past really influences our future and determine where we will be . 

In this new year , i hope i will continue to meet really nice and good people . Even though you are not that nice , i hope we can still be normal friends because i hate having enemies . HAHA whatever . I met some nice colleagues and people during work and i really thank them for making my working life more fruitful and interesting . Sometimes the laughter was too overwhelming and i really didn't laugh like this for a long time . Not that i am someone pessimistic but it was because i met really humorous people at work who have such rare talent of cracking really funny jokes . During this period of work , i have also learnt that tolerance and acceptance go a long way to forge friendships and build relationships . Of course , love is important too . *Winks* .
Anyways , as we continue to be inspired and inspire others down the road , i hope we will continue to change and become a better individual . I have a number of resolutions but i am not going to list it here because i realised i didn't really achieve what i wanted to last year .  I am thankful i pulled through 2012 and i am grateful for the people who have taught me important life lessons and values .  Thank you and happy belated new year ! 

Work

I haven't blog since last year .. So this shall be the first official post this year ! Blogging about my part time job today . Anyways , my views on an ideal and suitable job are really simple . Firstly , since it's a part time job thus the main factor to be considered is the pay . Yes , of course we must be reasonably paid BUT another rather significant point is also to consider whether i like the job . Honestly , I wouldn't say i love my job , but i didn't detest it to the core either . Of course , a perfect job speaks of fulfilling experience , besides helping to widen one's social circle positively and allow one to put their talents and skills into good use .
Till date , i have worked for around a month and i had my share of happy and unhappy times . Sometimes i find myself questioning my real abilities during work , as i don't know why i am faced with a lot of challenges in work recently . Sometimes i am desperately seeking reasons why have i made so many mistakes in this course of time . Furthermore , to have someone to comment on my mistakes made the hesitation to quit this job even more encouraging  . I don't know why i have this thinking , it's inexplicable to some extent ... Frustrating and helpless situations during work made me succumb easily to emotions , especially when i face rare and unfortunate incidents . Sometimes i try to bury my ambivalence whenever someone asks about my job ... Hmm . That's the bad side .
Of course , i am really happy and blessed because i have made many friends and to really know the face of society . How demanding can customers get and the sense of accomplishment i got when i managed to deal with them .
Perhaps the thing that i am most grateful for , is the given opportunity to forge a unique and cherished friendship with one of my colleagues . We're now good friends .
Don't really know why but we can chat for hours and i'd never thought to meet such a nice person from work ! Thanks so much for helping me around , listening to me and being crazy with me during the much anticipated one hour break . I really enjoy the times laughing at lame jokes with her and singing crazily in washroom while we were changing clothes . People there even suspected that we were childhood sisters . Sadly , she is still schooling and have returned to malaysia . Anyways , thanks for those beautiful memories ! :)

Pictures with other colleagues and really nice people i've met ! Really enjoy the times we cracked funny jokes about customers and complaining to each other how annoying and irritating some customers are .

Extraordinary

Today feels inspirational.
I witnessed a very rare sight today.
Sitting at the far deserted corner of the cafe , I saw the chemistry shared by two individuals , who are both deaf and mute. I saw how they communicated and shared stories with one another. Initially , I was worried how the staff would communicate with them and they might probably give the staff a hard time. To my surprise , it was rather them who gave the staff assurance. They patiently flipped the pages and pointed to the staff what they wanted. After that , they continued to communicate enthusiastically with sign language. That image is vividly seared in my mind. Their natural in capability did not became their limitations and it never hinder them to live normal lives like how normal people do. To me , I felt that that was highly respectable and remarkable . I believe you would be as amazed and impacted as I was if you had witnessed that scene . I was quietly observing their key of communication. They smiled and made kind gestures to express thoughts which could not be expressed by words. Then again , I pondered how does it feels to live a life like theirs. I imagined how helpless and curious I would be if I were brought to this world to be deprived of my fundamental abilities . I could not hear beautiful melodies and the sound of music . I could not speak , sing and even express myself like how others do. It feels scary and daunting . Hence , this makes the lives of theirs more encouraging to others.
And I learnt something today. :)

About me

I am back , once again ! I am really busy this week . Just came back from Malaysia after attending cousin's wedding. Tried Pedicure for the first time and i really loved the drawings the ladyboss did for me ! I paid the RM30 very willingly because the service was really good . It's been days and nothing fades , yet . Did my hair for the wedding and it looks like ...3 big and black caterpillars . Went to Ktv again and i had went to sing karaoke for consecutive two days . But i like it . Yes i love to sing . ^-^

Anyways ,  It's good to meet up with my dearest sisters and to know that we are all doing well , I hope. When I was young , I loved December the most. I waited and anticipated the arrival of this month because I can't wait to meet my cousins in Malaysia. I hate to return to singapore because I knew that I would only be able to see them again after another dreadful year . I once asked my mum why didn't she decide to stay in Malaysia. Why wasn't I born there ? I was very close to my cousins , even closer than best friends , even though we only get to see each other once a year. I am really thankful for this , good relationship and kinship doesn't come easy. I am thankful to know that I have people to call my ' Family '.

As we grow up , our thoughts and perspectives change . We find our outlooks in life experiencing a change , too. We began to discover and realize things that are important to us , things that we want to achieve and accomplish. Meeting up is important but not that looked forward to as compared to the olden days . As we move on , we might be progressing into another phase of life. Some of my cousins are having steady and happy relationships with their partners.  Honestly , I am really happy for them because I know they have found their happiness. However , I am also equally aware that we might have lesser time to spend with each other as they settle down and look into marriage blablabla. Anyways , this is life. Eventually , we find that we all have a life to live . Face it , there are times when you need to face the world alone . :)

Got to know a few people this week . I am grateful that i met really good people and we can hit off pretty well. But there are also unfriendly ones who never fails to chat and laugh with everyone else and shows me a black face . -.- Fine it's up to you anyways and i can live without an uncle as a friend , seriously .

  

This post is getting boring without pictures so i posted one picture of my loots .. from online . Shall catch some sleep now . In case if you are wondering why are there different paragraphs illustrating different moods , It's actually because i have typed them in separate days using my phone , and compile them together today . 

A beautiful sunday

Why is my sunday beautiful ? Because i was out with my mum . ^-^ . 
As i grew older and my mum aged , the time we spend together is slowly decreasing . I guess this is common for many of you around my age . 
So anyways , we went to Singapore Expo first for Sitex Show . Went there because i wanted to buy a laptop . Quite thankful that my cousins were with me to help me to sieve out all the ideal ones as we were given a lot of brochures . Bought one eventually and i am actually blogging with it now . My typing speed is being challenged tremendously because i am not used to the keyboard and the keys are really widely spaced. 
This post is really boring because i just wanted to test out the typing experience on this new laptop . Ain't really fascinating though , back to my books . ^^ 
Bye ! 

Updates!

The most beautiful decorated corner of my room . I actually bought floral designed cloths to match with all the accessories box and the accessories . My efforts , and money are paid off right ?

This few weeks have been ... Boring. 

Can't find a job that suits me and I am always at home , trying to master something , watching dramas , singing and talking to the wall. Well it sure sounds lonely and yes , I am waking up every day to greet myself ' good afternoon ' and then I will remain silent for the next 12 hours until a single soul appears in the house. 

Okay it's actually not that depressing and boring , I will find ways to enrich my live , and to live fruitfully , I hope. 

PROM NIGHT 

Sadly i didn't really take photos with anyone because we left early . To be frank , I don't really like the food served . The emcee wasn't really engaging and the flow of programs was sort of .. boring . I felt that during that few hours , the emcee filled it with whimsical rambling and uninteresting jokes . OK i should stop here because i am already criticizing it . Nonetheless , i know it takes effort and hard work to plan and organise this event . I did enjoy the company of friends and classmates , which was actually more important than the logistics and programmes . 

Geez i can never take a proper photo with her . -.-

The chicken head .

That's all i have ! ^-^

Then i went out with cousins and friends on seperate occasions .

Again , my beloved sisters . They are growing up very fast and i really had fun bringing my cousin to children arcade . We played quite fun games and it evoked some of my childhood memories . Of course mine were not as interesting as her , for she had the pleasure to enjoy the company of her loving cousins . Hehe . 

After catching Ah Boys To Men . The movie was quite interesting and unsurprisingly , the air rang with peals of laughter (mostly eldery who were fascinated by the actors' humor ) . However , i was reminded that the movie had no particular storyline , just a long film to show and illustrate life in NS . Nevertheless , I am still going to catch the part 2 . 

Birthday Gathering !

Went to the library to borrow some books and spent some time at the pasar malam , which i supposed that it is quite similar to street markets in taiwan and other countries , just that our markets were not situated along roads . This picture shows a person shooting some toys . Not really sure of how to win them exactly but .. it kind of reminded me of some memories of the old Pasar Malam that existed when i was much younger . The games then were much simpler and less advanced . Simple shooting games and fishing games will draw crowds and fuel children's appeal . I was actually quite surprised to find this game stall that brings back people's past time memories . 

Courage

Courage. 
I guess all of us need courage to face up with a lot of things. Things that are unavoidable , things that can't be denied , things that will remain to haunt us until we decide to face it. I really understand why people choose to run away from problems and troubles. It's not because they don't know how to solve it , but rather because they are afraid to face it. 

It's easier said than done. Yes I have told people how to stand up for who they are and to face their doubts with courage . I guess many of us have comforted friends with worries and uncertainties , but when we find ourselves in the exact same situation , we realize it isn't easy after all. 

Why ? We are all humans and we tend to get our emotions and feelings involved very easily. It's not easy to say that we can go ahead with our decisions despite knowing that we will hurt someone's feelings. Most importantly , we are afraid to get hurt. We are afraid that we would not be able to accept the outcome , we are worried that things will not turn out to be how we wanted it to. We are scared that we will only have ourselves to deal with the outcome.

Most of the time , reality is harsh and It is hard for many of us to accept . It is not because we don't know how to but , we don't want to . 

For example , a woman found out that her husband is having an extramarital affair . She sure knows that she has many solutions . She can choose to divorce with her husband or to forgive him (That being the most common solutions ) . However , she will have to consider how her decision will affect her , her loved ones and people around her . She will have to deal with the consequences of her decision , no matter which solution she chose . Thus , it is not that she do not know how to solve it , but most of the time , she will have to muster her courage to accept the devastating reality , prepare herself for the consequences . Most importantly , she will have to face the problem with courage .

Of course , this is a simplified example and is somehow limited because of my experience (mainly from shows and dramas) . 

This sure sounds gloomy and troubling but I am not. It is just some of my thoughts. 

What hurts the most

What hurts the most ?

Not being trusted.

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Clouds

Isin't it hard to believe that half of our exams are over ? It's even harder to believe that O level is going to be over soon .. Anyways , i guess everyone has been waiting for last thursday , which was the end of the last major paper . I really felt a surge of relief because i can finally relax . Its hard to believe that this year is so busy , so busy that i don't even have time to do what i want . Plans have been pushed back continuously to accommodate the typical "secondary four student" schedule  . This reminds me that there is a need for me to plan my holidays . Again , this reminded me of a post i posted nine months ago about my plans aft exams . The most significant one is .... to organise a charity spree . I am not sure if i will go back to setting up a blogshop , but i will have some other plans to make sure i am going to fulfill what i promised myself to . 

Anyways , went out with some friends on friday . It is then that i realise that i haven't been really  "shopping" on the streets this year . Again ... Priorities . Really enjoyed that day because we talked a lot of stuffs and i guess everyone's leg is aching because we walked for ... 6 hours ? Thankfully i could still upload photos from my phone . So technology hasn't been really cruel to someone who can't be accustomed to its pace . Thank you . 

Seems like we are back to the really young days .

 Don;t you think the yellow plushies are cute ???