My results are gonna be out in less than 48 hours. Honestly , I have the whole animal kingdom in my stomach , not just butterflies. I have been trying to keep myself busy these few days after knowing that the results releasing date is confirmed. I can't afford to give some time to myself , because I will never stop wondering what am I going to be experiencing after 48 hours. I have been working really hard for this whole year. I studied. In fact , I studied like studying was the only thing I could do at that point of my life. I really hope I would be able to get what I wanted.
Well , that's was all that I hoped for.
This was typed after receiving my results.
Sadly , it didn't happen. I didn't get more than 5 distinctions. I didn't have distinctions for my sciences. Frankly , I was disappointed in myself. I thought I would have done better than this when I have already put in my best. When my results were handed to me , all the anxiety and anticipation melted into sadness and disappointment that I once thought I would possibly never get . My heart sank. It was definitely not like i was going to break down any moment but I just couldn't believe this was what I got after a whole year of hard work . I became neutral about my results and I didn't want to be upset at that point of time , i didnt want anyone to feel the same exact disappointment as me , or felt even worst . I knew that there were others who did more badly than me. I wouldn't want to affect anyone in that situation because the mood was really infectious and the atmosphere was tense. Some shed tears of joy , while the others , the exact opposite. Deep in my heart , I knew I have not accomplish what I wanted to. It sank to me the truth that this was my fruits of labour , far from my expectations and hopes. Of course , I had mixed feelings at that very moment. I knew my mother would be very satisfied with what I got. I began to ponder about my next destination and journey I am going to embark on. I knew I would be facing a dilemma between polytechnic and junior college. I went home and different thoughts bombarded my mind , swirling and twirling to remind me that I have an important decision to make. True enough , everyone around me congratulated me on the " good " results I got. They told me they were happy for me and that I would be able to qualify for most of the courses in polytechnics , and arguably a few junior colleges that I could enter without feeling I wasn't good enough. I went to work the next day and I felt really relived that I didn't look really exhausted and listless because I didn't catch enough sleep. I slept really late the night before because I was thinking hard on where I should go. It felt like I was being put in a mind battle of choosing and deciding between poly and jc and this totally revealed the indecisiveness in me . I couldn't even tell myself which was right for me despite listing out all the pros and cons for each institution. I thought really hard , considering my job prospects , my future career , my possible field of interest . I went to work the next day and I was really glad I could put this challenging thoughts aside and devote time and attention to my work . Haha probably that was the only time I was that serious in work. Talked to some colleagues and people at my workplace , they gave me advices but I still couldn't make up my mind after listening and talking to them. I felt really lost and insecure. Cousins Cẩme out to play but I couldn't really concentrate because I still have a tough decision to make. I didn't want to go on and on about the decision making process but I want to thank everyone who gave me true experiences , valued advices and opinions. I really needed that at that point of time. :). I even called some of my friends to find out about their life in different jcs and polytechnics. Be it friends , seniors , colleagues , relatives or teachers , thank you very much for listening to me . I decided to go for polytechnic instead of junior college because of various reasons. Anyways , i chose a course related to business. BTW , On a general perspective i think my results werent that bad , it's just that i didn't meet my expectations. Ok that's about it. Really glad I have decided on it and submitted my choices. Heaving a sign of relief , I am glad I can be myself again and the cloud of uncertainties in me gradually faded as I continued to enjoy the company of my cousins . Right now , I am back in Malaysia with my cousins and we are going to KL in an hour time ! Can't wait to play , shop and eat ~ shall blog with pictures when I am back in singapore ! Bye ~
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