Shopafrolic

Ignore the title hahaha. Swrewed up sense of uniqueness.

Anyways , I have been on seventh heaven almost everyday this week. Hehehe because everyday is full of surprises. My items from shopping Spree finally came. It took what seemed like ages to reach me. Unwrapping those bags are just like unwrapping presents. Hahaha because I merely have forgotten what I purchased. Hehehe. Too many of them.. The first picture is my items from shopping Spree. The second one are items from gmarket. The pen looking like is actually an eyeliner from etude house. ^^ .

Anyways, im glad that last test of the term has ended. Finally I could concentrate on chinese. Hehe. I realise the only moment I love chinese is when it comes to singing  chinese songs I like. Whatever it is, I really hope I will be able to do well. Well, who doesn't?  But im afraid I will be plunging into disappointment again.

Alright, if you are taking your mother tongue O levels soon too, I wish you good luck ^-^ .  

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Is it just me?

Sometimes, I get very pissed off with myself. I can find myself commenting on what people should do in this and that. And realise if im in the same situation, I may be as lost as them , or even worst then them. Sometimes I hate people for not being able to understand me. And i find thousands of excuses not to confide to them. Then I realise, have I actually made an effort to understand people more instead of giving a steadfast judge ? Idk. People may have their own reasons behind all those frames that we see. If we are able to look beyond of ourselves and make an effort to care more about others , the world will be a better place. 

As said, eventually humans are selfish, yes you and I.

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A day out ^^

Have been out today to Kbox ! ^-^ I can sort of say that its my favourite hangout , or probably a simple leisure activity ? Just that my leisure requires me to spend money :( . But what really matters is , im tickled pink ! [ Hahahahah why do i have to use that ]

But actually the real reason i love to go kbox is because i can sing using the mike [Yes i love to sing ] . Perhaps you may think im crapping but it makes a ton difference when you're singing normally and when you're singing using a mike . Or you can say that i love to hear my own pretty voice over the speakers hahah .  Ohya , and kbox has got the atmosphere ! I would prefer chinese songs to english songs , though i listen to both . Shall argue that when i listen to chinese songs , im more exposed to chinese language . Hahaha anyways , sometimes you just feel like the lyrics are wrote for you , the music is tuned for you , dont you ? 

K lunch ! Look at the bento they gave us ! ^^ .Yummy and there's my favourite watermelon ! ^^

Hehehe Chawanmushi ! :) Damn nice so i have to eat before taking picture . HAHAH   

YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHERE WE TOOK THE BELOW PHOTOS ~

Sorry my dear song en if you are reading this , i didnt post all the pictures we took because i realise they all look the same ... Hahahahahhahahahahahahha

 Outfit of the day ! watch out for my self - bleached shorts ! ^^

Till then <3 

Family .

Its gonna be mother day this weekend . Im quite ashamed because every year , we didnt really celebrate this impt day with her .. I guess if i was her i would have been broken into pieces , because even my dad doesn't celebrates this day together with the family too ..

Sometimes i wonder and think a lot about my own family  , and i compare my very own with others . I can't even remember when was the last time we went out together ..When was the last time we ate outside together ? And when was the last time we celebrate a particular occasion together ? Why can others have such a beautifully -painted picture of family whereas mine was embedded back in my childhood ? 

I really wanna celebrate this coming mother day with my precious mum . I want her to know i really really really love her . I want her to feel appreciated by all of us . Seeing her slogging her guts out for this family is really heart wrenching .She wakes up at 4 everyday to prepare to go for work at pioneer , she sleeps at 12 almost everyday . Shes a cleaner at a particular company , and despite her having swollen feet [due to weight]  , she managed to climb flights of stairs and clean them thoroughly every single day . She knock off at 5 , and when she comes back , she have to either cook or buy food for us . I mean , mummy , to me you are really a superwoman . But no matter how strong one might be ,  he/she collapsed in heap one day with so many  overloaded activities to do . Its definitely not easy to manage work and family , and to summon every ounce of energy to make sure that we get the best , despite of their difficulties . As a daughter , i really wonder why i cant do more for her ? Or at least alleviate her everlasting burden . Sometimes she still have to do household chores after cooking , and my heart really pains . As much as i hope shes getting sufficient rest as shes getting aged , i cant help but say that we are reason for her insufficient sleep . I really have to do more , and seeing her sacrificing so much for us makes me feel guilty for  making her angry sometimes . Sorry mummy , I hope you know no matter what , you will always be my no.1 best mummy , and i love you forever and ever.
and yes , im gonna celebrate this mother day with her . Thanks god, you gave me the most precious gift in my lifetime . 

Okay . Today was quite a happy day . Aside from the fact that i will no longer have to go for cca on friday , im also really delighted i can go home early and rest . But i realise , whenever im at home , I will not get down and do my stuffs . My engine only starts at 7 , after dinner . I will always spend time on other stuffs , such as using computer (like what im doing now) , watching Xiaxue's guide to life , Qiu Qiu's budget barbie , downloading songs , window shopping online . But on the lighter side its actually quite reasonable , because my old phone is dead and i cant access to internet to social networking websites with my nokia X9124894 phone . So naturally im allowed to have more computer time right ? Hehehe . EXCUSES U SAY . HAHAHA. Okay time for dinner !

p.s/ I think i was too agitated in the previous post that i forgot to change the font . HAHAHA

Polished Heart

I have so much  to say . This is gonna be a post full of emotions .
Well today could just have been any other day ,where i will end my day smoothly in school and be a happy girl , who i think i recently was . But instead , something really really upsets me today . And that feeling is back . That feeling of thousands of knives just searing through your heart . How would you feel ?
Yes , this is not the first time i felt like this . And im sure its never gonna be my last . But thank god , you have been more benevolent to me today , really . At least , i didnt hear those words out from my good friend , which i suppose i would be hurt 100000000 times more if i really did . Why do i know ? Because it happen before .
I reassured myself that everyone has flaws and imperfections , but  i suppose that was not enough to soothe a demanding self . Can you imagine ? My day went really good and i have all the WORLD's reasons to be happy . But instead i have to allow words to bring me down . Yes , im really down . And it doesnt help with all those laughter after that comment . Yes i really wonder why people would think that i have no feelings , or rather , i was invisible . So i hung my head , Curled up in my seat , and holding back those wellling tears . I cringed my hands and palms tight , and wished i would never have to look up again . Somehow , im just afraid people would see through my eyes and penetrate my thoughts and they would know what i was thinking about . It sucks , it really sucks . The most painful thing is you have to pretend you dont care a single bit when its fucking killing you deep inside . What if i appear to be agitated or sad ? Matured ones would probably apologise .While critical others would create a big deal and agitate me more . And the next  thing to happen is the world world knows what im upset about . And fuck , of course that wasnt what i wanted , wallowing in self pity and welcoming all gushing sympathy . Yes , i definitely do hate myself for allowing words to bring me down . And i began to think . No one was responsible for my emotions , my ups and downs. No one would ever know that im deeply hurt by such stuffs . No one knows that it really matters to me . And this was the thing that made me really upset last year . My self esteem and confidence dropped to the minimum , and cry pails of tears when someone touched this sensitive point of mine . All my minimal happiness contains a tinge of this breaking point . And i really wasnt happy . I start to ask myself what i was living for ? Why my days could never be an enjoyable one ? Why am i so cynical ? And i refused to accept the reality . I REFUSED . I ran away from all my problems , and there will always be someone i could fault . Those days really killed me . For that months i didnt have a day when i really felt great about myself .
But thankfully , someone really enlighten me that day , in a subtle way. But i felt it . He wants me to get better . He wants me to break out of this . He wants me to realise that there are many who are more misfortunate . It was really hard to let go certain things and accept certain reality . But i know , i had to . I wouldnt dare to say im totally unaffected now , simply for the fact that it still hurts me a year later , which was today . But i guess , i will learn to get over it , for everyone who loves me .
And you , yes You . If you happen to passed by this tiny space of mine , and even persevered to read through all the mixed feelings above , and should you went through something like this ,  i hope you will be braver than me , at least .

Monday blues baby ?

Quite looking forward to this saturday Rhapsody ! Its time to hang out with classmates ! Hope we really get to go kbox ~ and i can finally sing again . I mean , sing with the mike . 

Today oral was bad . 

what was i thinking when im having my oral ? I must have done really bad this time round .

But it seems legit that im nervous and all stressed up because of the examiner right ? Hahah . JK.

Haiz , probably on my part , i really did not do well in revising beforehand . Maybe i got to complacent as i have scored pretty well in all my oral examinations ? 

I thought that everything would come naturally as planned but for today , i really cant carry on . I was literally stuttering and stammering in her face > and she was having the -_- "WHY ARE U SPEAKING LIKE THIS" face . Then i got even more discouraged upon seeing her disapproving look . But thank god , this is only prelims . Well at least this isnt actual O levels oral examinations . I will never forgive myself if i perform like this in O levels .. Okay i hope that my chinese oral is not this bad ~ HAHAHA

Wooooo

Have not been blogging for very long time ... computer spoilt .. Now using aunt's laptop . Hehehe its been ages since i used computer ^^ .

Dont you think time is passing way too fast ? Its already april now . And im nearer to my O levels ... :(

Alright , anyways now im treating blogging as a way to express my thoughts and feelings . I dont have much readers btw . HAHAHA .

Okay honestly , this few weeks have been really stressful deh . Lots of tests and i really have to find time to cope with everything , not mentioning 3 weeks ago i was sick for that one whole week . So i went to my aunt's house at Bedok to stay overnight 2 days ago . Its really nice of her and she offer me to bring home her laptop {she have got another one }. the most exciting part is i get to see the girls ! tongtong have grew quite a fair bit ! She's already climbing now , the last i saw her she was still a sweet little cute baby. But nonetheless , shes still very cute . And ofc , Yu Xuan is as noisy as ever ! Hahaha probabaly i should say adorable ? Heheh

Its really nice hanging out with kids . Their thoughts are so simple , and they are always that happy , as long as they get to eat and play ! Im really thankful that i could get to enjoy little tinge of happiness with them . Seeing them learning and growing up has also been really fulfilling . :) . 

Sight

This post was on impulse as i want to list down all the things i wanna do after my exams this year . 

1 . I want to grow and plant plants , at my corridor ...

2 . I'm gonna recover my blogshop .

3.  Im gonna do this first  . I wanna organise a charity spree on my blogshop , and all the profits will go to some organisation . I have yet to decide .

4. I wanna go around Singapore taking photos .

That all for now , Im well contented . 

Finally back with a decent post .. 

So many things had happened lately . And sec 4 life is ever evolving with new things everyday . I was so so so busy that i cant even take an hour off doing things i'd loved . FOR EXAMPLE , going to kbox . kbox used to be my frequent hangout last year ~ . I know it doesnt takes me only 1 hour , but i hate feeling restrained and deprived of my interests . YES I LOVE SINGING . 

Anyways , i have been planning my schedule lately . And having "Proper" time management in my life . And it sort of enlightened me that actually , i used to be really grumpy how my cca used up my time for studying .. etc . But actually ,  i realised even if i need not attend cca , i would not use the time to study and revise . Im actually wasting my time . HAHAHA . Anyways , self-disclipline is really important , apart from knowing your priorities right . There ought to be stuffs that need to be sacrificed in order to fufil tasks like homework and revision . Planning and managing is just a guide , without vision and  control , we will still be back to square one . 

Ok , i actually wanna talk about a Leadership conference i attended last week . That day was probably the day i felt having GB[Girls Brigade] as a CCA wasnt a least bit of regret . In a way , i really felt the talk given by three speakers that day really impacted me . Not do of working hard for my O's and everything but mainly on living a fruitful life . It really held me in awe as i heard some of their personal life experiences . For example , Miss Choo Jia Min . She went on a misson on ship for 5 years after graduating from university  . And she travelled around the world to over 30 countries to spread the message of hope , And , to impact lives of many and many . And shes a full time volunteer now . what really made me respect her was , she gave up her years and years of studying to go around the world to change people's lives . That really inspired me to do my least part for the society . 

Finally , I learnt to be grateful and thankful for everything i had . Im thankful that im able to type this now . Im thankful that i had a chance to be overweight , when people at other side of globe dared not even think about having a full meal a every day . Im thankful that i could even have a chance to relate my feelings right here , right now .